THE DAY I REALIZED I WAS MUSTY (AND BOUGHT A NOTEBOOK)
You know how people say, “You’ve changed,” like it’s a bad thing?
Well, honey, let me tell you—I’ve changed, and it’s the best thing that’s happened to my spirit since I discovered waterproof hiking boots and snacks that don't squish in a backpack.
Lately—and lately is doing a lot of heavy lifting here—I’ve found myself deep in thought. Not just “what should I eat?” thoughts. I mean, real ones. Philosophical. Psychological. Possibly delusional. The kind of thoughts that whisper, “Girl… maybe you were the problem.”
Now, before you think I’ve gone full motivational speaker (no offense to the ones with ring lights and whiteboards 😀), let me anchor this growth story with something humble and grounding: I bought a notebook. A big, shiny, spiral-bound 200-pager that makes me feel like I’m about to take minutes at a meeting I was never invited to—but will dominate regardless.
That notebook is now my emotional safety net. My sanctuary. My structured therapy. I haven't even written on the first page yet because it feels like a holy act. You don’t just scribble on such pages. You court them. You make promises to be better. You consider calligraphy.
And in other news (yes, we’re not done), I put on sunscreen before walking to get sugarcane, Just trying to break the massive chain of thoughts running through my naive, not so naive mind. That might not sound like much to you, but to me? That was a headline moment. It was self-care. It was giving “Black girl luxury” in a rural setting. Sugarcane was crunched. UV rays were dodged. Life was lived.
...So, if you’re also in a season of shifting, stretching, and sniffing out the metaphorical mustiness, I just want you to know:
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You’re not alone.
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It might be time to buy a notebook.
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Sunscreen isn’t just for vacations.
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Sugarcane slaps harder when you’re healing.
The story happened weeks ago, but I’m still emotionally waterlogged and physically frozen. I tried to write it down but the trauma said, “Not yet, sis.” I promise it’s coming though—and you’ll want to have snacks, hydration, and maybe a support group ready. Stay tuned, fierce warriors. You’ve never read anything like it.
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